Well, it is time to hit the crazy part of my spring. I have been planning how to make these next two weeks work for a month. I have been thinking and dreaming of how each day will go. My hopes were built high. Monday I would have orthodontist appointment, Tuesday I would go with mom to the DOL and get my license, then do my first drive and have dinner with my grandparents, Wednesday drive to the dance studio for a rehearsal, go to co-op on Thursday, then off to a tech rehearsal, Friday I would do the same for dress, Saturday the show. Starting on Monday I would do another set of rehearsals for the St. Maries production. It was going to be the greatest. I was on cloud nine dreaming of my new independence.
However, two tires on the curb later when trying to back around the corner and my drive test was done. Hearing them say I was failed sent me into a state of shock. I was done! Holding my self together as much as I could while shaking I went in with the instructor and told my dad. I don't remember much of what was said. Except I couldn't retake till May 6th. Heartbroken, I burst into tears when I reached the car. Discouragement, failure, and disappointment where all I could see.
My dad lovingly encouraged me through the entire afternoon and evening where all I could do was cry and feel like I the worst teen driver alive. My whole family was encouraging and sweet. Telling me we would make it work and it would be okay. It was a long night. But there was one place I kept going back too.
God has not forgotten me, I may not know why it worked out like this or why I did what I did? But God is the one who can help be see beyond my blinded vision. I can only see tomorrow and how I planned it. But he can see me when I DO pass my test, he can see me when I drive on my own for the first time, he sees me on my way to meet friends or go to all those dance practices I will have later, he sees me driving to new adventures like work and college, He sees me driving to my first date, to my wedding and someday driving my kids around just like my parents do everyday for me.
I was and am so focused on how my world was broken that I couldn't or didn't want to see my blessings. In the last week I have completed a job interview, got accepted and have had some interesting experiences.
He answered my prayer for a summer job above and beyond what I could every have dreamed up. My God is a God that provides, he has provided me with parents who give me everything they have. Literally, He provides a family who bends over backwards..for ME. He provides work when I need it. He provides everything I need. I am blessed.
So while I am here feeling sad and bummed out I need to look up. I need to remember these truths that I don't feel like believing, but know I need too. I need to be opened up to the lessons God will be teaching me through this time of disappointment. I need to change my focus off of self and why I am the problem. Because even as I watch my parents re-arrange their plans and agenda for me. My first thought is on me, as much as I try to disguise it in other ways.
It is easy for me to talk big and show my Christian faith, but I don't want to do that I am not a devotional book. This blog is entitled Who is Erika Anyway? You want to know what Erika is right now. Erika is a girl who is hurting, she is one who's dream is working out in another way. She is a girl who knows people are facing much bigger battles than a failed drivers test. She is a girl who stand up and dust herself off, but only because her heavenly father reached down and picked her up. He is lifting my head to him.
It is easy to say that I am letting God drive the car of my life. But if I really evaluate am I? Or am I secretly fighting for control? This is my prayer for myself right now.
Lord,
You know how my heart is hurting. You know how I am feeling better than I do myself. But I know that you have a great plan ahead for me and that you see my life in a much, MUCH bigger picture than what I can see right now. Thank you for the blessings you pour out for me daily. Thank you that I can learn to trust you. Thank you for my family who is truly the best family out there. Thank you for what you are going to do with this. Let's tackle this week together my hand in yours as you show me your plan.
Amen
See I can dream and write my story. But I need to write it in pencil and give God the eraser. Because in the end. The maker of heaven and earth holds the pen to my story and he is the best author of them all.
However, two tires on the curb later when trying to back around the corner and my drive test was done. Hearing them say I was failed sent me into a state of shock. I was done! Holding my self together as much as I could while shaking I went in with the instructor and told my dad. I don't remember much of what was said. Except I couldn't retake till May 6th. Heartbroken, I burst into tears when I reached the car. Discouragement, failure, and disappointment where all I could see.
My dad lovingly encouraged me through the entire afternoon and evening where all I could do was cry and feel like I the worst teen driver alive. My whole family was encouraging and sweet. Telling me we would make it work and it would be okay. It was a long night. But there was one place I kept going back too.
God has not forgotten me, I may not know why it worked out like this or why I did what I did? But God is the one who can help be see beyond my blinded vision. I can only see tomorrow and how I planned it. But he can see me when I DO pass my test, he can see me when I drive on my own for the first time, he sees me on my way to meet friends or go to all those dance practices I will have later, he sees me driving to new adventures like work and college, He sees me driving to my first date, to my wedding and someday driving my kids around just like my parents do everyday for me.
I was and am so focused on how my world was broken that I couldn't or didn't want to see my blessings. In the last week I have completed a job interview, got accepted and have had some interesting experiences.
He answered my prayer for a summer job above and beyond what I could every have dreamed up. My God is a God that provides, he has provided me with parents who give me everything they have. Literally, He provides a family who bends over backwards..for ME. He provides work when I need it. He provides everything I need. I am blessed.
So while I am here feeling sad and bummed out I need to look up. I need to remember these truths that I don't feel like believing, but know I need too. I need to be opened up to the lessons God will be teaching me through this time of disappointment. I need to change my focus off of self and why I am the problem. Because even as I watch my parents re-arrange their plans and agenda for me. My first thought is on me, as much as I try to disguise it in other ways.
It is easy for me to talk big and show my Christian faith, but I don't want to do that I am not a devotional book. This blog is entitled Who is Erika Anyway? You want to know what Erika is right now. Erika is a girl who is hurting, she is one who's dream is working out in another way. She is a girl who knows people are facing much bigger battles than a failed drivers test. She is a girl who stand up and dust herself off, but only because her heavenly father reached down and picked her up. He is lifting my head to him.
It is easy to say that I am letting God drive the car of my life. But if I really evaluate am I? Or am I secretly fighting for control? This is my prayer for myself right now.
Lord,
You know how my heart is hurting. You know how I am feeling better than I do myself. But I know that you have a great plan ahead for me and that you see my life in a much, MUCH bigger picture than what I can see right now. Thank you for the blessings you pour out for me daily. Thank you that I can learn to trust you. Thank you for my family who is truly the best family out there. Thank you for what you are going to do with this. Let's tackle this week together my hand in yours as you show me your plan.
Amen
See I can dream and write my story. But I need to write it in pencil and give God the eraser. Because in the end. The maker of heaven and earth holds the pen to my story and he is the best author of them all.
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